I Had You
by katiesparks
Summary: -"You have nothing to gain by being yourself now, Shinichi." "No, but I used to have you...If I called, would you hang up?" "Call anytime you like" Notes at the bottom. R


**I Had You**

**A katiesparks production**

**5-4-08**

"Why did you come back?" Ran asked, tearfully, as she looked at the lanky form of Kudo Shinichi standing in her doorway.

"I don't know." He told her plainly, his eyes looking to the open doorway behind her, where a little child was attempting to eavesdrop on his mother, unseen, and failing.

"I'm married now, Shinichi, _married_. With kids. I can't...I just can't _do_ this anymore, I'm tired of these games and lies, and I needed to move on. So I did." She told him, sobbing. Even after all this time, he still made her cry. She thought she had grown up by now.

"I know." He told her, and, unable to keep looking at her tearstained face, glanced back at the child, who had been joined by a girl of the same age. His heart lurched into his throat at the sight of the girl, the boy had resembled Ran some, but the girl...He would always remember that face, until the day he died, he could never forget.

"Why then? Why come back? You have nothing to gain by being yourself now, Shinichi." She said and his face softened as sadness crept into his eyes.

"No, but I used to have you." He said and turned to leave.

She fought the urge to stop him. She was married, she had kids, she had a happy, peaceful life, unplagued by murders or mayhem. But she still loved him, and, oh, how it hurt to let him go.

As he walked away he felt the need to say something to her, one more time. "If I called, would you hang up?"

"Call anytime you like."

--

The light was blinking on the message machine, and she went to check it, noting to the presence of her twins in the next room from the sound of their pillow fight. If anything from _him_ was on it, they would be too far away to hear.

"I love you." She heard his voice say simply before the message ended, he never did have many words.

"I know, and that's why it hurts."

--

"You wanted to see me?" she asked him after releasing her children onto the playground. He merely sat on the bench, looking at her evenly.

"Always." He told her and she smiled and sat down.

"Was there something you wanted to say?" she asked idly, as she watched the children play.

"If he hadn't come along, would you still be waiting?" he asked, nothing but curiosity in his tone, and he had never been good at acting.

"I was still waiting anyways." She said and turned to look at him, smiling sadly.

"And this is enough for you?" he asked, his voice remaining innocent.

She shook her head in a way that was both _yes_ and_ no_. "It'll have to be."

--

She was on her way to a café to meet him, kids in tow, yet again, when a most gruesome thought hit her. Was it wrong to be seeing him like this? She loved him, more than she loved her husband, for sure. Was this adultery? Was this wrong?

She decided it couldn't be. And it felt less like cheating when her children were there; maybe that's why she always brought them with her. They had come with her many times now, on what they had begun to refer to as "Kaachan's Little Errands", and though they had seen the man their mother met with so often, they had yet to meet him face to face. That's what they were doing today, it was time for Shinichi to grow up and realize how she had moved on, in a permanent way. It was permanent, wasn't it? Of course it was.

She walked in and saw him, sitting in a booth at the back of the room. She turned to her children. "Okay, kids, today you two are going to meet Kaachan's friend. Promise me you'll behave yourselves and be nice to him, okay?"

The boy and the girl looked at each other in an obvious "Twin Moment" before turning back to their mother. "Hai!"

Ran smiled warmly. "Good, now come on, we don't want to keep him waiting for too long, do we?"

They started for the table and Shinichi grinned as he saw them coming. They may've been a symbol of why he couldn't have her, but they were her kids, and that was enough to ensure him they would be wonderful children.

She slid into the booth opposite of him and the twins followed her, eyeing Shinichi carefully. He laughed slightly before extending a hand across the table to the boy. "Hello there, boya, I'm Kudo Shinichi, nice to meet you."

The boy looked at him for a moment before taking the proffered hand and shaking it slowly. "Kodaki Conan. And this is my sister, Ai. Nice to meet you too."

Shinichi sputtered incoherently at their names before turning to Ran, who was trying to hide giggles behind a hand, and squeaking, "What?" in a voice several octaves too high.

"I never understood why I named them that myself, but that's their names. I wouldn't agree on anything else." She told him, glancing at her children with love.

"What's wrong with our names?" Conan asked suspiciously.

"Nothing's wrong with them, Conan-chan. I knew a little boy and girl whose names were Conan and Ai when I was in high school. He's just shocked because I didn't really like them that much, or that's what he thought. But girls are so much trickier than boys, right Ai-chan? They'll believe anything we say, won't they?" Ran winked at her daughter, who giggled, before ducking her head as she saw Shinichi looking at her.

"I'd believe anything as long as you were the one saying it." He told her and she blushed, and turned away.

Shinichi turned his attention to the female child and smiled at her. "I knew a girl named Ai once. She wasn't very nice, but I'll bet you're very nice, ne, Ai-chan? Just like your Kaachan."

Ran looked at him strangely, before shaking her head. "You always were a good liar."

--

"Who's Kudo-san?"

Ran turned to her husband and noticed that Conan and Ai were standing behind him, in the door way to their room. They must've been talking about him and her husband had probably overheard.

"He's an old friend of mine; I've known him since I was a little girl. He was away for a long time and he suddenly came back the other day. I've been catching up. He was my best friend."

The husband's eyes narrowed suspiciously before his hand reached out and smacked her across the face. "Don't you lie to me, damn it! I don't want you seeing him anymore, understand? If I hear about this "Kudo-san" in this house again then there will be hell to pay, understand me?"

Ran looked up from the floor, hand on her cheek, and nodded fearfully. He stalked off angrily and, as soon as he closed the bedroom door, the twins darted out to kneel beside their mother as she began to cry.

"Kaachan?" Conan said, inching forward.

She grabbed her son and pulled him her chest, burying her face in his silky hair. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm okay, I'm just fine."

"Kaachan?" Ai said from beside her.

"Yes, honey?"

"Can we go live with Kudo-san, Kaachan?" she asked, looking at the bedroom door fearfully.

"Oh, sweetie, it doesn't work that way."

--

She checked her appearance in her compact mirror one more time before stepping out of the cab, kids right behind her. She hoped it was a good enough job to fool him; she didn't want his sympathy, not at all.

She set her kids loose on the playground as she had before, but she noticed, faintly, how they lingered, watching her carefully make her way over to the bench where he was waiting.

"What's wrong with your face?" he asked and she sputtered. How-?

"You're wearing much too much make up, Ran. What happened?" he said, and looked at her with that all knowing gaze of his.

"What? I'm not allowed to wear make up?" she said, masking shock with indignation.

He smirked, a shadow of his once cocky grin. "Then you wouldn't mind taking it off, would you?"

"Why?" she asked, fidgeting.

"You're already beautiful without it, no reason to over do it. If you got anymore beautiful, then it would hurt to look at you." He said, smiling as she blushed straight through the make up.

"I'd rather leave it on." She said and he looked at her in borderline pity.

"Ran..."

She turned to him. "You already know, don't you?"

He said nothing; the answer was in his eyes.

"How?"

He shook his head. "I just do."

She stared at him. "Can I...?"

"Go ahead, its okay. I'll always be here for you." He told her and, with that, she launched herself into his waiting arms and sobbed into his shirt. His fingers combed through her hair soothingly.

He whispered comforting nonsense in her ear until she ceased to cry and lay still against his chest.

"If I said I loved you, would you say it back?" he asked her after a moment.

She laughed in a self-depriving way. "It doesn't matter if I say it or not, does it? We both know the answer."

--

She rung the doorbell and instantly regretted it as she heard him yell, "I'm coming!" from behind the door.

But...She didn't have anywhere else to go right now. And the children had asked for him.

Shinichi opened the door to find Ran standing there a backpack resting on her shoulders and a sleeping Ai in her arms as Conan held her skirt hem, looking like he was about to fall over in his Yaiba pajamas.

He spotted a large bruise on her thigh and what looked like an angry, red, handprint circling her wrist.

"I know it's horrible of me to ask, but can we stay here? Just for the night?" she asked, as Conan leaned against her leg, yawning.

Shinichi opened the door wider, revealing the inside of her apartment to them and stood aside. "Stay as long as you like."

--

One year after the day she got divorced, Shinichi took her out to dinner.

"Wow, this place is so fancy! No wonder you asked me to get a sitter for the kids!" Ran said, looking around in amazement.

Shinichi laughed at her as they sat down at their table and coughed slightly to cover it when she glared at him.

After dessert, he looked at her closely and told her to listen to him. "I know it's soon, and maybe I'm rushing things but...I love you, Ran. And I love your kids, too. Will you marry me?"

She openly gaped for a moment before screeching and propelling herself towards him. He caught her easily as she repeated her mantra of "Yes, yes, YES!" in his ear.

Finally she pulled back and looked at him. "So where's my ring?"

--

Shinichi stood and looked at her while she laid in her hospital bed, propped up against pillows as she looked down on the newborn baby girl. He walked in quietly and sat down next to her to peer at the sleeping infant.

"What should we name her?" she asked, voice a whisper.

Shinichi thought carefully for a moment before putting his arm around her, his eyes still on the little miracle swathed in pink.

"How about Nozomi?"

**END**

**Okay, notes are going down her this time. **

**This story was written in what I refer to as 'Snapshots' format. (Snapshots being a story that is currently unposted.) That basically means that each -- begins a new Snapshot, or little piece of the story. Snapshots are almost stand alone works, except they lack length and complete plots. All of them are meant to flow together and make a real story by the time you reach the end. Writing this way leaves out lots of little details, or things that "happened" in the story, but never made it onto the paper (one of those being their honeymoon XD, sorry, I just can't write smut.), but this way, people can open themselves up to fill in the blanks on there own, which makes it a different story for each person. Most Snapshots start in the middle of a scene and give pointers as to what is happening, but a lot of it is left up to how the reader wants to perceive it, which makes people think a little harder. You can read the story word by word and still have a decent story, or you can look a little deeper and find out what I meant for you to find, or find something that I didn't intend that's just for you. But I can guarantee that everyone will have their own take on what actually happened and what it meant.**

**According to babynameworld . com, the name Nozomi means 'Hope'**

**Please tell me what you think. I'd especially like some feedback on the format and if it worked. Please tell me what you think happened so I can see how many people got what I did and how many got something different, it'd be a great help.**

**-katiesparks**


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